


Return to Porn Corner

by bella8876



Category: Marvel Avengers Movies Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-26
Updated: 2012-05-26
Packaged: 2017-11-06 01:37:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/413289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bella8876/pseuds/bella8876
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Summary:  Where-in Steve learns about shipping, Tony learns there’s an Avenger’s porno and Clint learns way more about the Hulk than he ever wanted to know.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Return to Porn Corner

Tony leaned back further in his chair, the two legs still on the floor creaking as they tried to balance his weight at the new angle. His fingers were moving rapidly over the tablet in his hand and through the clear screen Steve could see page after page zooming by and he wondered how Tony could possibly be taking any of it in. 

“Why don’t you two just do everyone a favor and have sex already.” Tony said suddenly and Steve almost chocked on his coffee. His head shot to his right to look at Doctor Banner, trying to figure out how to tell the other man that while he admired both his intellect and they way he deals with the Hulk, he didn’t exactly like him that way, not that there was anything wrong with that. 

Sensing his panic, Bruce smiled and shook his head, letting Steve off the hook by nodding to the doorway where Clint and Natasha were walking in.

How Tony had known they were in the room Steve had no clue considering he hadn’t once looked up from his work. Natasha was brushing off Clint’s attempt to check out the enormous gash on her cheek which had turned a lovely shade of purple since he last saw it. She elbowed him in the side when he didn’t get the hint and then turned to Tony and leveled him with a glare that Steve knew Tony could feel even if he still wasn’t looking. 

“Shut up Stark,” Natasha said moving to the coffee machine to pour herself a cup. 

“No really,” he leaned forward, the front legs of the chair slamming on the ground. “I’m a huge fan of whatever this is called. Clintasha? No,” he flipped through a few pages on his tablet and smiled. “Oh, BlackHawk. I love it. I totally ship it.” 

Natasha rolled her eyes and concentrated on her coffee but Steve didn’t understand the reference. “I don’t understand,” Steve said. “Are you mailing her something?” 

Clint grabbed his coffee and sat down next to Tony at the table, yanking the tablet away from him to see if there was indeed people calling them BlackHawk.

“You’re adorable,” Tony said, getting up and patting Steve on the head. “No I ship them. The two of them. Together.” 

“I’m sorry, are you mailing them somewhere.” Steve said still not understanding.

“Bruce, it’s your turn,” Tony said, refilling his own coffee. “I spent three hours yesterday trying to explain what a Kardashian was.” 

“Shipping is when you think two—“

“Or more,” Tony interrupted. 

“--people would be good together,” Bruce explained. “Romantically.” He added when Steve still didn’t look as if he understood. 

“Or just sexually,” Tony said with a smirk, plopping back in his seat. “Because you two being all romantic would just be weird.” He shuddered at the thought. 

“Or just as friends.” Bruce added. “Any kind of relationship really. That’s where the word comes from.”

“I think I understand,” Steve said slowly. The words themselves made sense to him, but the concept behind the whole thing was still tripping him up a little. “But why?”

“Why what?” 

“Why do people do that?” Steve asked. “Ship other people?” the word felt awkward on his tongue and he felt ridiculous saying it but that was a normal feeling lately. 

Tony paused at that and stared at Steve as if he’d never actually given the why any thought. “I don’t know,” he admitted and Steve was pretty sure Tony Stark didn’t say that a lot. “Anyone who’s anyone is inevitably going to get shipped with someone else at some point. It’s just what people do these days.” Tony shrugged. “Shipping is the new sex tape. I have a ton of them.” 

“Sex tapes?” Steve said, his eyes bulging. 

“No,” Tony scoffed. “Well yes actually those too. But I meant ships. People ship me with everyone. It’s a natural byproduct of being ruggedly handsome and devastatingly charming.” 

“You are neither of those things,” Natasha said with a straight face. 

“I bet people ship me with you,” Tony narrowed his eyes at her. “I wonder which one of us is the top?” 

“I’m always the top,” Natasha told him.

“Yeah you are,” He smirked at her. 

“That’s just…not right,” Steve frowned. 

“Don’t feel left out Cap,” Tony smiled at him. “I’m sure people ship me with you too.” Clint snorted and passed the tablet back to Tony, pointing at something on the screen and he laughed. “Stark Spangled Banner. That’s clever.” 

“What is—“ Steve floundered confused.

“Stark,” Clint pointed at Tony, “Spangled,” he pointed at Steve. “Banner.” He pointed at Bruce who smiled sheepishly at Steve. 

“But we’re just friends,” Steve shook his head. “And there are three of us. How would that even work?” 

“There are ways,” Natasha, Clint, and Tony all said at the same time. The room went silent after that and Tony leaned back in his chair again, balancing on the back legs as he smirked at Natasha. 

“Just shut up,” Natasha rolled her eyes taking a sip of her coffee. 

“I didn’t say anything,” Tony held up his hands in surrender. 

“You were thinking it,” Natasha said. 

“Oh come on, be fair,” Tony said. “We were all thinking it.” He looked over at Bruce for support who could only blush in response, which was just as good as a confession for Natasha. 

“There’s an Avenger’s porno you know,” Clint said casually, breaking the tension. 

The front legs of Tony’s chair crashed to the floor yet again and he gave the archer his full and complete attention. “I’m sorry could you repeat that?” 

Clint sat up straighter. “There’s an Avenger’s porno.” 

Tony looked from Steve to Bruce to Natasha and then back to Clint. “How is this first that I’m hearing of it?” 

Clint shrugged. “They made it after the battle in New York.” 

“Who plays me? Does it have the Hulk, oh please tell me it has the Hulk,” Tony said excitedly. 

“I don’t know,” Clint wrinkled his nose. “I didn’t watch it.” 

“How could you not? How could you know that this was a thing that existed in the universe and not watch it?” Tony jumped up out of his chair and grabbed his jacket. “Come on,” he said grabbing Steve’s jacket and tossing it to him. 

He had his arms through the sleeves and was halfway to the door before asking, “Where are we going?”

“The Porn Corner.” Tony said as if that was the most obvious thing ever. At Steve’s helpless look Bruce sighed. 

“You don’t have to go you know,” he pointed out. 

“Yes he does,” Tony said throwing an arm lazily over Steve’s shoulder. “A trip to The Porn Corner is exactly what he needs for that final shove into the new Millennium. Plus, he’s always complaining we need more team bonding activities. The team that shops for porn together stays together.” 

“That’s not a thing Tony,” Bruce said standing up, figuring if Tony was going to drag Steve the least he could do was go with them and act as a buffer. 

“It’s totally a thing,” Tony brushed him off then thought about it. “Well it should be a thing.” 

“What’s The Porn Corner?” Steve whispered to Bruce, his tone slightly terrified.

“Just think Pooh’s Corner with less honey and more sex.” Tony said. “Well sometimes there’s honey. If you’re very very good. Or very very bad.” Tony mused.

“It’s pretty much exactly what it sounds like,” Bruce explained better. “There’s a corner downtown where four different adult shops meet. They call it The Porn Corner.” 

Steve protested loudly, all the way to the door that he didn’t really think this sounded like the type of place The Avengers should be seen at as Tony purposefully ignored him.

“You totally watched it,” Natasha said after they heard the front door slam. 

Clint didn’t answer her just stood up and grabbed her now empty coffee mug and set it in the sink. “Let’s just say, I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to look at Bruce the same again.”


End file.
